This is real life.

Last week, I finished writing about what a blessing in disguise it has been to say “no” to everything and stay home with my children. And this week I want to run away and join the circus just to get away from them.

That seems to be the cycle around here. We’ll have a really good week and then we’ll have the week from hell. My kids are whiny and infuriating and the fuse of my patience is shorter than a rabbit’s tail. Yes, I know. That’s a ridiculous analogy. Deal with it or take your chances with the mommy monster of rage.

Seriously, sometimes I am like, “What the heck is wrong with me??” Just below the surface of my normal calm exterior is a volcano of seething fury. And little things threaten to make me explode. Like my three year old asking me for something that I am clearly getting for him because he asked for it 15 seconds ago and I said yes and started getting it for him. WAIT, DAMMIT!!!

I never used to swear before having a husband and children. Like, I never even thought swear words. “Bad company corrupts good character.” Just kidding. I mean, mostly.

Part of my problem is hormones. Those SOBs. God’s got a lot of answering to do about the practicality of periods. That’s the real curse right there. Childbirth has nothing on that monthly misery.

Anyways, it’s also my children’s fault. Malachi is getting molars so he whines and cries about EVERYTHING. Lord, help us all. It’s the incessant whining that pushes me to the edge.

And then Samuel is a strong-willed and intelligent child who deems it necessary to question or comment on every word out of my mouth. God help me I will murder someone before bedtime.

And finally, we started off this week with a four-day weekend which means Michael was home throwing off our weekly schedule of productivity and order so I haven’t been getting up on time and working out and reading my Bible before the kids are awake and that starts to become noticeable after a couple days.

I hate feeling like a monster and acting like a monster and even when events don’t combine to create the perfect storm I still have moments where I need some way to keep the mommy monster at bay.

I don’t want to yell at my children. I really, really don’t want to yell at my children.

So I say, “I’m not going to yell at you, and you’re not going to yell at me.” And then I repeat it until I mean it.

And then we practice listening the first time, because part of the problem is I am not consistent in expecting my children to listen the first time.

Aaand naptime is over.

I need a vacation from my kids.